30 for 30

Surprise!  Thanks to everyone who had a hand in helping Maren throw a surprise party for my 30th birthday.  I was definitely caught off-guard!  While seeing so many friends and family at the party to celebrate my birthday was flattering, the coolest surprise was the packet of letters everyone gave me for my birthday.  During the party, Maren gave me a packet of 30 envelopes tied together with a red ribbon.  She had asked everyone to share a memory or story from the past 30 years that comes to mind when they think about me. 

When we got home from the party I laid down for bed and intended to read one or two of the letters.  I have to say that the responses were amazing!  They were really well written, thoughtful and brought back a lot of great memories.  Some of them were really touching and almost brought me to tears(I had been cutting some onions for a lasagna right before I read them).  Others told some funny stories and made me laugh out loud.  The funniest ones made fun of me for the many stupid things I've done over the years, and had me laughing so hard I almost cried(onions again.)

Many times I would say to myself "this is the last one I'll read tonight."  But it would be so good, that I'd have to pickup another one.  After awhile Maren actually made me go out into the living room to read them so she could fall asleep.  When all was said and done I ended up reading through all the letters before I fell asleep that night.

Since (I ASS-U-ME) most of the people who read this blog are just friends and family, I just wanted use this medium to say thanks so much for all the thoughts and great memories you shared with me for the past 30 years.  You are all great writers!  Next time you can't think of a gift to get someone for a certain occasion, you should simply write them a letter.  Writing a letter adds a personal touch that a material gift cannot grasp.  It was honestly the best gift I received.  Thanks again!

Camping and Cramping

The best part about traveling somewhere to participate in a race is when you can incorporate it into a family event.  This past weekend we went on a family camping trip to Lincoln State Park so that I could participate in the the Honest Abe Trail Marathon.  The trip was awesome, as I got some good training experience, the weather was perfect and the family got to spend a bunch of quality time together in the great outdoors.

We arrived on Saturday and spent the day playing outside on the playground and around the campsite.  We met Grammy, Gramps, Aunt Julie and cousin Christopher.  It was so much fun to watch Emry explore and analyze everything.  She was so excited to be outside that she didn't ever take a nap that day.  Late in the afternoon, we took a hike to the nature center where we met up with my nemesis... 

This is what I looked like before the attack...

This was my reaction, although you can't see the stain on
the back of my pants!

For dinner that night, everyone had the usual camping fare - chili, hot dogs and s'mores.  Normally I'd partake in the same meal, but I didn't want to try to run a marathon with that sitting in my stomach.  I settled for something a little "lighter."  Emry had a great time helping to start the fire and throwing sticks in it.  She also dug right into the s'mores... 

This is the obligatory messy-s'moreface picture

Meanwhile, Whitney just sat back and looked cute in her little hat

After a pretty sleepless night(Whitney did not sleep well in the pack 'n play and she kept everyone up all night. But seeing how much the girls enjoyed the outdoors was totally worth the price of one sleepless night), we woke up to a beautiful late-summer morning.  It was cool, and a thin fog covered the landscape.  I put in a couple of warmup miles by running from our campsite to the starting point for the race.  Right off the bat, I saw three dear off the side of the road, then the route took me took down by the lake.  The sun was just coming up, which illuminated a hazy fog covering the lake, and it made a breathtaking sight.  It was the perfect start to what would be a great day.

This was my first trail marathon, and I'm really glad I did it.  I learned a lot about trail running and it provided some great experience for the trail run I'm doing in October.  The course winded its way along the hiking trails around the entire park.  It was mostly shaded and had beautiful scenery the entire way.  One loop was 14k, and Aunt Julie participated in the 14k as part of her training for the Evansville Half Marathon.  All of the marathoners repeated the same 14k-loop three times, so were allowed to have a "drop bag" at the start/finish area.  We were able to store food/drinks in our drop bag if we wanted something in addition to what was offered at the aid stations. 

Toward the end of the first loop, I developed a cramp in my right foot.  I'd never gotten a cramp there before, and it had me concerned.  Running became more and more difficult, and the cramp started to become painful.  I stopped to stretch it out, which helped a little...but the pain was still persistent.  In my "drop bag" I had a bottle of pedialyte. I'd heard of endurance runners using it as quick way to replenish electrolytes.  When I finished the first loop, I chugged down some pedialyte, ate 1/2 a banana and did some more stretching.  Within half mile, the cramp had vanished!  Pedialyte is my new best friend! 

Getting some advice from my running coach while
refueling at my "drop bag"

About 1/2 way around the second loop, I caught up with a grizzly trail running/ultramarathoning veteran from Alabama named Tom.  Tom looked to be in his late 40's, had long stringy hair, and had a sweet tattoo on his shoulder of a wolf howling at the moon...which told me "this guy was legit."   Tom was training for the JFK 50mi Ultra in November.  His longest training run for the JFK at that point had only been 15mi.  He just happened to see this marathon online, so he entered it on a whim. 

Tom told some really cool stories about his ultramarthoning heyday in the 1980's.  He had run ultramarathon races all over the world, including a multiday race in Czechoslovakia where they ran the equivalent of one marathon a day for 10 straight days!  Tom kept me entertained with his running experiences for several miles and shared some great trail running tips with me.  But before long, I needed to press on to keep up with my goal pace.  I thanked Tom for all his tales and advice, and unfortunately had to scurry on ahead. 

Taking off down the trail for my last loop

Being a trail marathon, there wasn't any crowd to keep the runners motivated.  There were a couple of the runners family members and some volunteers at the aid stations, but that was all.  The lonesome course provided a perfect opportunity to connect with the nature that surrounded me.  While I endured the third loop, I tried to take in all the beauty and the gifts God has given us.  What a wonderful world He gave us to enjoy! 

Posing for some pictures while waiting for dad to finish

Coming around the last turn out of the woods,  I realized that my family made up about 1/2 of the "crowd."  How lucky I am to have such loving people in my life!  It was such a great opportunity to be able to incorporate this race into a fun family weekend.  Who needs a big crowd for motivation when you have this waiting for you at the finish line...

"Run daddy!  Faster!!"

I could have run the whole thing over just to see that sight at the finish again.  Who knows, maybe one day I just might try to do that...

Angry Birds

Before the age of cell phones, social media and the internet, there used to be a saying "The 3 quickest lines of communication are telegraph, telephone and tell-a-Maren."  By now, most of the people who read this blog have already heard the story of how I was attacked by an owl while on an early morning run last week.  I won't bother with all the details of the incident(if you haven't heard the story, contact me and I'll bring you up to speed).  Instead, I will share some helpful advice for anyone who may find themselves in the same situation. 

If you are like me, then the bulk of your knowledge of owls probably comes from 3rd grade science class and cartoons.  This is what I knew about owls prior to the attack: 

1. They live in holes in trees.
2. They usually wear glasses and graduation hats.
3. They hoot
4. They can rotate their heads like the girl from The Excorcist.
5. They are smart and typically make a living as college professors(which explains #2 above).

I figured if I would ever come face to face with an owl, it would be exactly like this commercial which aired on TV when I was a kid...

Needless to say, I was not prepared for an owl attack.  In a statistic I made up for the purpose of this post, a recent study found that 4 out of 5 people will be attacked by an owl during their lifetime.   Odds are this will happen to you or someone you love, so you need to know what to expect when you fall victim to an attack.

First you need to be mentally ready for an attack.  To give you a little insight, the following is a stream of consciousness that pierced through my head immediately after the razor sharp talons...

WTF is that burning sensation?  I've been shot! Run faster.  No blood...I'm ok!  Was that a bat?  I just got bit by a bat!  It really stings.  I need to blog about this.  Will I get rabies? What other diseases do bats carry? When was my last tetanus shot?  How do I sterilize the bite wound?  Damn...I knew I should have seen those Twilight movies.  My head freakin' hurts!

And after being told by some random dude that the culprit was actually an owl...

Thank you Lord for letting that random dude witness the attack.  Did he hear me scream like a little girl?  Oh well, at least it wasn't a bat.  What kinds of diseases do owls carry?  Is bird flu still a threat? My head still freakin' hurts!  Why did it attack me anyway?  I hope I didn't just blow my only chance at getting into Hogwarts.  Use that Hogwarts line on the blog.  That still really stings!  Just gotta get home.
 

The mental toll an owl attack has on you is subtle, but very real.  The morning after the incident, I decided to go for another run.  It was still dark outside, and I will admit that I was a little nervous.  Instead of running east from the house like I normally do, I ran west to avoid the scene of the attack.  The further I got from the house, the more paranoid I was of every little sound I heard.  I thought about the Alfred Hitchcock film The Birds.  When I first watched The Birds during my Film Literature class in high school, I didn't get what was scary about it.  But on the morning following the attack, I fully appreciated Hitchcock's mastery of taking an innocent everyday event, like taking a shower or seeing a flock of birds, and turning it into a terrifying experience. 

The Lord has a sense of humor sometimes.  When I got about a mile away from the house I was so anxious about being attacked again, I almost turned around to go back home.  I don't usually run the path that I was on that morning, and instead of going home I decided to turn the corner and saw this...

Please excuse the low quality photo.  I was obviously running
at the time, it was dark, it was a cell phone camera, blah blah... 

Seeing that big owl on the Hooters sign made me laugh, and I was finally able to relax and enjoy the run.  Had I not been pulled in that direction, I may have turned around and missed out on a great run. 

Now that you know what to expect from the mental aspect of an owl attack, you must also prepare yourself physically.  I had every intention of researching how to prevent future attacks and what you should do if you are attacked.  However, I got so many wonderful suggestions from my friends and family, that research seemed useless.  Here is what I've been told...

• Wear a bike helmet when you run.
• Punch the owl in the face if it attacks.
• Carry an umbrella to poke at it.
• Wear a red hat because owls don't like red.
• Run faster than they can fly.
• Run later in the day when there's light outside.
• Don't run at all.  Terrible Idea

Hopefully I've provided enough information and insight from my experience to prepare you for the next time you go out for a run.  If anyone has more suggestions about how to ward off unwanted bird attacks, please leave a comment! 

Bronze, Silver and Golden Opportunities

At the Smith house, were fully immersed in this year's Olympic Games.  We stayed involved by watching on TV, reading articles and results online, playing our own games at home, and even sampling cuisine from other countries.


We took the opportunity to make it a fun learning experience for Emry.  We normally don't watch much TV, but it has been on every night since the opening ceremonies.  Emry has enjoyed watching cycling, swimming, running, tennis, gymnastics and basketball.  Oddly enough, the two events that she cheers for the most are diving and equestrian.  During the diving events, she would clap her hands and say "yeah" after every dive.  During the equestrian events, she would cheer and say "yeah horsey!" or "horsey jump" each time they would clear a gate.

While watching the gymnastics Emry noticed the strange move gymnasts do at the end of every event where they throw their hands in the air, puff out their chest and stick their butt back.  Maren taught Emry to do that move and say "Ta-Da!"  So now E will do somersaults, stand up and say "ta-da!"

We've eaten a lot of different meals the past couple of weeks too.  To honor the origin of the Olympics, we ordered Greek cuisine from Manna the night of the opening ceremonies.  Its one of our favorite take-out places.  We've also made several new ethnic recipes at home including black bean burritos, sweet & sour chicken, Indian chicken curry, and fish & chips.  Emry has actually eaten all of the different meals, even the curry...



FYI - Turmeric stains everything...Faces, hands and even skillets. 
Even after a good scrubbing, we had some very yellow
pancakes for breakfast the next morning.

While watching the games on TV is pretty fun, everyone knows that playing them is a lot more fun.  In a previous post, I mentioned how our kids might think they live in the 1980's.  Well, when the track and field events started for the Olympics, we dusted off the NES and played World Class Track Meet!

Yes, that is a single tear of joy running down my cheek

Anyone who knows my history with Nintendo knows that this was a big deal to introduce it to the girls. This one event combined my 3 favorite things in the world(in no particular order):
1. Time with my family
2. Running
3. The Nintendo Entertainment System. 

We taught Emry all the tricks to get the Nintendo to work, like blowing the dust out of the game cartridge...

And as you can see, not only do we still have a working Nintendo, but we are proud owners of the Power Pad! 

For anyone who doesn't know(and I feel sorry for those of you who don't), the Power Pad was basically the original Wii.  The Power Glove was another attempt Nintendo made as an "interactive controller."  Although these devices weren't wireless, for kids in the 80's this was pretty cool technology...you can see how cool these kids look in this commercial...

Yeah, we were playing with power!  Usain Bolt has nothing on us!

You heard Emry saying "Jump One!" at the end of that clip.  She was referring to the long jump, which she was pretty good at...

One last thought about the Olympics...I posted the lame commercial for the power pad, but how weird were the Fruit of the Loom commercials that played during every single break??  Who goes to the beach in their boxerbriefs to workout on the on rings??

Emry thought those commercials were so funny that we decided to make our own...

 

We hope everyone enjoyed the 2012 Olympics as much as the Smith's did!

Lost in Translation

My freshmen year of high school I had a theology teacher who was lecturing our class one day and said "Don't say things that mean other things."  I don't remember the situation that sparked his memorable phrase.  I don't think anybody in our class remembered what made him say it, and the irony was that we weren't sure what he meant when he said it.  So it became an on-going joke amongst our class anytime someone said something that could be mistaken for a sexual innuendo, we would say "Don't say things that mean other things." (This was well before Michael Scott made "That's what she said" a mainstream joke.)

Anyway, I was thinking about this on my run this morning because Emry is talking a lot right now and sometimes its really hard to figure out what she's saying.  A lot of times she'll say something, but mean to say something else.  To help out anyone who is hanging out with Emry, I've put together a list of some of her most commonly mistaken phrases:

Damen - Which means "banana".  plural Damas.  Oddly enough, she can can say banana perfectly if you ask her to say it, and she sings the Raffi song Banana Phone without a problem.  But if she ever asks you for a damen, now you know what she means.

Hers - Her "B," Her room, Her bed...you'd think Emry would be talking about someone else's stuff.  But if she says "hers", she really means "my" or "mine."  Its funny because most parents try to get their kids to stop saying "mine" all the time, and we are desperately encouraging Emry to actually use the word. 

Hold You - Pronouns are a struggle for Emry.  If she ever walks up to you and and says "Hold you" she really means to say "Hold me." Just pick her up and she'll be happy.   

Pump 'n Dump - Not to be confused with the process by which a nursing mother drinks too much alcohol, then has to pump out the tainted breast milk and dump it down the sink.  She really means to say "Pump it Up" which one of her favorite places to play.

Panato - This word is very complex, because she uses this word for both "potato" or "tomato."  But if she also uses it as part of another phrase... 

Panato Slide - Which means "tornado slide."  So if you ever take her to the park and she wants to go down the "panato slide" she wants to go down the slide that twists in a circle.

Whitney Poop Diaper - This can be tricky.  Emry has nighttime diapers she wears that are more absorbent that the daytime variety.  Her nighttime diapers have a picture of Winnie the Pooh on them.  So when she says "Whitney Poop Diaper" she is really trying to say "Winnie the Pooh diaper".  However, if Emry happens to see you changing Whit's diaper, Emry will call the dirty diaper "Whitney poopy diaper."

Lopper - Which means "water."  Just like she does with damen, Emry can correctly say water if you ask her to.  But if she sees or asks for water, she will call it "lopper."  The funny thing about this one is she will call a water bottle by the correct pronunciation, but if you ask whats in it, the answer is "lopper." 

Toottat - Tattoo.  This did not come from daddy, but originated with mommy.  After playing at Pump 'n Dump one day, Emry came home with a temporary tattoo.  She was afraid it would hurt to put it on, so Maren put it on her own leg instead.  Maren explained that it was called a tattoo.  Emry kept pointing to Maren's leg and saying "toottat."  FYI - She calls daddy's tats "picture," "baseball" or "ring." 

Welcome - This has a couple of layers to it, so bear with me...Emry is trying to to say "You're Welcome", but she only says the "welcome" part.  Even though she is trying to say "You're Welcome", what she really means is "Thank you."  We started working with Emry on saying please, thank you and you're welcome.  Emry got the "please" portion down right away, but the rest of it is still a work in process.  So don't be offended if you share your snack with Emry and she says "welcome."

I'm sure there are tons of other phrases and words that I'm forgetting.  These were all I could think of on my run this morning.  I need to be leaving for work, so I'm going to grab a damen and a sip of lopper.  Welcome for reading the blog!

Big Bang Theory

On the morning of July 4th I was running in a race called the Big Bang 5k.  I was pushing our daughter Emry in the jogging stroller, and realized the two of us hadn't been out jogging together in a long time.

Doing a little pre-race stretching!

It has consistently been over 100 degrees outside, so I tried to remember the last time I used the jogging stroller...

One night recently, I took the stroller out so I could "run" to Target to exchange a cooking pot.  I got a couple of honks from people driving down the road, and the lady at Target's return desk gave me a funny look when I unstrapped the pot from the stroller.  Is it really that unusual to "run" errands and not "drive" them?  Most of the people around here think its so weird, including Maren.  In fact, before I left the house that night, she sprinted down the driveway to take pictures of her weird husband.  In other parts of the country, its probably more acceptable to walk/run/bike as a mode of transportation, and in other parts of the world its the only option.

Yeah, its a pot...get over it!

After reminiscing about that experience, I realized that within the last 12 months, I've had the unique opportunity to run from one coast of our great nation to the other...

Last July, I was in San Diego for a few days for a work conference.  I couldn't get used to the time change, so each morning around 4 am I'd go out for a jog.  I'd run along the coastline, by the port and through the gas lamp district.  On these early morning runs I encountered zero whale vaginas, but saw lots of homeless people sleeping on the sidewalks.  One morning alone, I counted 34 homeless people. 

A couple of weeks ago, I got to run on the sandy beach in Folly Beach, SC.  One afternoon I ran along the road that exits the island.  During the run, I'm pretty sure I saw more real estate signs than palm trees.  When I turned around to go back, the line of cars to get on the island was so congested that I was actually passing the cars.  Another day, I ran along the beach during high tide and literally had to jump over people's beach towels because it was so crowded.  Some parts of the beach have eroded so badly from the new development that there is only about 15 ft of sand between the water and the sand dunes.   

After thinking about those runs, I realized that living in the midwest isn't so bad at all.  They might get better weather on the coasts, but they've definitely got their issues too. By the time I finished the Big Bang 5k I came to the conclusion that through my running experiences within the past year, I'm happy to call the midwest home sweet home. 

Then it all came full circle this past weekend...Emry and I were camping at my aunt's property in Lynnville.  On Saturday morning, we stepped off their driveway and were on a quiet country road.  There were no cars, no exhaust, no real estate construction, no trash along the road and homeless people or sunbathers to jump over.  It was just me, Emry, two deer, three rabbits, a slight drizzle and a bunch of song birds.  It was the best run I've had all year.  I wouldn't have traded it for anything!   

By the way, Emry ended up beating me in the Big Bang 5k.  She finished just a split second ahead of me...

*Big Bang 5k photos courtesy of http://www.gerwc.com/

2 (sleeping) Girls, 1 Cup

Being a parent makes you do weird things. Case in point, last week I was driving down the interstate when nature decided to call. I found myself considering the options of pulling over at the next exit or going to the bathroom in a plastic cup we had in the car. No, we didn't trick Seabass and the fellas into paying for our lunch, but there were some extreme circumstances that put me in this frame of mind...



"Who's the deadman that hit me with the saltshaker!?"

We were on a family vacation to Folly Beach, SC, and in true Griswald fashion, instead of flying, we made the 12 hour drive. We knew it would be an adventure with 2 little ones under 2 yrs old, but we got more than we bargained for. About 3 hours into the trip we noticed the A/C was blowing air, but it was only slightly cool. After another hour it was blowing warm air. We drove the final two hours of the day in a hot car(it was 94 degrees outside), and when we pulled into Knoxville we were 4 sweaty, cranky and miserable people. Luckily we found a Chipotle for dinner!

After dinner, we decided to stop there for the night and wake up early the following morning.  We wanted to get on the road before it got too hot again. The forecasted high temp was in the mid-nineties.

We piled the girls back into the car early the next morning. It was a cool 80 degrees outside, and it felt pretty good inside the car. We had 6 hours to drive, and things were looking pretty good. Until...

About an hour into the trip, nature started calling.  I really had to go! The girls were sound asleep in the back and the temp in the car was still pretty cool. Since we didn't want to wake them up or lose any travel time during the cool temperature, Maren said "Why don't you go in this cup?"

I'm not sure if she was joking or serious, but at that point it actually sounded like a good idea. I checked the mirrors, and there weren't any cars nearby, so I said to Maren "Grab the wheel, we're doing this!"

I'm not sure how many ounces a 32oz cup holds when it is tilted at a 45 degree angle....but I can tell you that it is less than the amount of water I drank that morning. Without going into great detail(too late), lets just say there was a little overflow before the "mission was aborted".

Despite the early cut-off, I felt relieved. Obviously we were traveling with the girls and had their baby wipes, so I was able to wash my hands, and all was good.  We just prayed that we wouldn't get pulled over.

Tic Tac?

The rest of the trip was smooth sailing, and we made it without any further follies. We got the A/C repaired while we were there, so we didn't have to go through the same thing on the drive home.

The good things that came out of the A/C fiasco were:  1. We found out that crying babies like having the windows down in the car. The sound of the wind must be soothing or something.  2. We came away with a greater appreciation for the things that we usually take for granted on a day to day basis.

I'm actually kind of glad the A/C went out, because instead of simply taking a trip, we experienced an unforgetable adventure.  I'll leave you with one final thought to ponder...after you fill a cup with pee in your car, what do you do with it?