Some more things I've learned about fatherhood(6 months to 1 year). Plus a Father's Day Special: Things I've learned since having 2 kids

Its time for me to add to the list of things I've learned about children, raising kids, life with a family and other things I've discovered since becoming a father.  Since our niece turned 6 months old recently, I wanted to give a heads up for her parents to know what to expect in the upcoming months.  I'll revisit a couple of previous comments from my first list and second list, but this mainly tackles the topics I learned from when Emry was between 6 months and a year old.

Helping with the laundry!

1. Long gone are the days when you can set your child on the floor in one room and walk into another room to do something for a few minutes.  Can anyone explain to me why lamp cords are so fascinating?

2. A tip I learned was to turn our toilet paper rolls around so that the paper is dispensed from the backside instead of coming over the front.  So when your kid walks up and spins the roll, it just rolls up...if you have it turned the other way you end up with a pile of tp on the floor.  But his will only buy you a couple of months...eventually they figure out how to grab the tp from the back and pull it down. 

3. Reflecting back on our expenses for the year...having a kid is the most expensive tax break we've ever received.

4. Kids are like drunks (revisited) - they stagger and stumble all over the place, and require you to help them walk around.

"Mom! Are you really letting
him do this to me?"

5. We've already established that other driver's seem like Mario Andretti when you first drive with your baby in the car, but the first time you put your kid in a child's bike seat every driver on the road turns into Ricky Bobby.

6. When kids start eating real food, their poop gets real -- I'm talking really real. 

7. Which bring me to my next observation, when a kid eats a blue crayon, they'll have a blue turd.  I've got the picture on my phone to prove it...and no I won't post it...this isn't some sicko fetish website...I can't believe you even asked...disgusting.

8. You know you've arrived as a father the first time you carry your sleeping kid from the car, to the house, to the crib and she remains sleeping the entire time.

9. Babies' sneezes come in two's, three's, or more.  Bottom line...don't try to kiss you're baby after the first sneeze, or you'll end up with a face full of sneezy-spray.

Doing some P90 yoga!

10. Balancing your work, personal time and family time is an art.  I found that an attention-seeking 6 month old makes a great weight for P90x.  Its like combining the shake weight with P90x...talk about muscle confusion!

11. Why is your baby crying now?(revisited) During this age its likely because she fell over or bumped her head on something.  But assuming she's not injured, she's probably frustrated.  She wants to scoot, crawl, walk or reach for something but can't quite do it.  I found if you help her get the items she wants you'll be good to go!

12. The only difference between infant toothpaste and toddler toothpaste are the words "toddler" and "infant" on the package.  They have the exact same amount of each active ingredient.  Companies that make baby products have no shame when it comes trying to get you to spend your money.  Pee-pee tee-pees?  Really??  Its called a wash cloth! Diaper Genie?? Its called a trash can!

13. Aquaphor is to personal/medical care what duct tape is to home repair...they both will fix about 90% of your small issues.  Diaper rash, cuts, dry skin, scraped knees, eczema, chapped lips, tattoo scars, etc.  We literally(figuratively) use it for everything...I started rubbing it on my lower back and the pain is gone! If you've ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you'll understand what I mean when I say Aquaphor is our Windex...

14. I shamefully admit that some parenting tips and advice I've learned from movies, but movies can also ruin the parenting experience.  I used to come home from work everyday, pickup Emry, and say "Do you have a kiss for daddy?"  The problem was I said it with the exact same inflection in my voice as Ferris Bueller in the scene below...and Maren asked me to stop because it creeped her out! 

Bonus:  Things i discovered about fatherhood since having 2 kids

1. With the second child, your wife's the nipples aren't a big topic of conversation - maybe its because the feedings were easier for "us" with #2, but mainly I think people were concerned about other things - "How's Emry adjusting?", "What's it like having two?", etc

Please note the candle stick holders.
They will come into play later...

2. This applies when you just have one child, but I just now realized that if your wife is nursing, the dads will find themselves giving their baby "the finger!"  Until mom starts pumping, if she's not around and the baby starts crying, you have to resort to shoving your finger in her mouth and let her suck away.  Its pretty much the same principle as giving "the finger" to a driver on the road, because you're pretty much saying to your baby "I know your hungry and upset, but screw it, you're just gonna have to wait!"

3. Earlier I mentioned my beef with gimmicky baby products, but with 2 kids I realized that the diaper genie really is magic!  We got a diaper genie as a shower gift with the first child and I thought it was stupid.  When the second came along, we just put a trash can with a lid in the older child's room, but it stinks up the whole room if you don't change the bag after 2-3 days.  Score one for the diaper genie!  

 4. Even if your wife is nursing, when 2 kids are awake at the same time in the middle of the night, you no longer have an excuse for not getting up to help.

5.  Dads are a lot more hands on when there's two kids, so a skill you need to master is doing everything one handed.  To practice, try carrying around a 10lb sack of potatoes and do your normal daily activities like  eating, getting dressed, typing, peeing etc.

Don't stretch out your
legs too far!

6. Which remind me...it is possible to go to the bathroom while carrying a child in the baby bjorn.  I found this out after a long flight and an emergency pit stop at the airport bathroom.

7. Speaking of airports, if you and your spouse fly Southwest Airlines with 2 kids, you should sit in a row with 3 seats.  I found out they only have 4 oxygen masks per row, so the third seat in your row will have to remain empty.  Hello elbow room!

8. You'er a lot more relaxed once you have two kids...one example is the that the 5 second rule turns eventually turns into the 30 second rule.  Then somewhere along the line it becomes the "Is this that blueberry from today?  Wait...oh well...I guess its okay" rule.

9. Throw pillows are not for throwing.  In the middle of the longest night of my life, I was sitting on the couch holding an inconsolable baby.  In my frustration, I threw a "throw pillow" off the couch.  It slid across the wooden dining room floor and hit a candle holder, knocking it to the floor, busting into a hundred pieces, and waking up Emry and Maren.  Yeah...I was in trouble...lesson learned.  

10. Speaking of wood floors, they are highly overrated.  A realtor might spruce up a home listing by saying something like "beautiful, original hardwood floors."  I would read that listing and see "mine field you have to tiptoe across after laying your sleeping baby down for bed."  I have finally figured out the spots where our floor squeaks the loudest, but I feel like I'm playing frogger every night when I have to walk from Whitney's room to the living room.

11. Spray sunscreen is also overrated.  It doesn't work if you spay your hands and rub it on your child's face.  Emry, we're sorry for the facial burn two weeks in a row...I promise we're not trying to make you look like that crazy lady in New Jersey!

12.  2 year olds only refer to themselves in third person...Which probably explains why we are disgusted when celebrities and sports figures think its acceptable to do it.

Thats all I've got right now.  Hope all the dads out there had a Happy Father's Day!