Things I discovered about fatherhood (1month - 6 months)

Since Emry's baby cousin just turned a month old, I thought I list a few more things I learned about parenthood, babies, and caring for children from the time Emry was 1 month to 6 months old. 



1.  Babies who suck their fingers have horrible morning breathe!  It's compounded by the fact that the source of the stench comes from two places.  I'm working on producing a line of baby breath mints and scented hand lotions.    



2.  When adults interact with an infant, we look absolutely ridiculous.  Take the baby out of the picture and watch the adult's silly grin, super high pitch voice, exaggerated expressions...you'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.

3.  In a related matter...when your baby is with you, you're no longer able to have conversations with adults.  All your conversations are routed through your child.  Example - You and your baby walk into random adult's house.  Random adult does not acknowledge you, but looks right at the baby, puts on the big silly grin and says in a super high pitched voice, "How are we this morning?"  Then you answer for the baby, "Well we've been a little fussy..." 

4.  Everyone wants to hold your baby when they are this age.  However, when the baby cries, spits up or poops it magically finds its way back into your arms.

5.  "I think someone needs a diaper change."  Learn this phrase, it has 2 important purposes:  If you are around a baby-hog, this is the best way to get your child back.  But more importantly, if your wife accidentally passes gas while in the company of others, this phrase will save you some embarrassment.

6.  Why is your baby crying right now? Assuming you didn't drop the child, odds are its a physical need, so change the diaper, feed and burp.  That seems to take care of most crying spells at this age. 

7.  If your baby is still crying, the plastic price-tag thingy on her clothes may be stabbing her repeatedly.  Check to make sure all the plastic tag thingies have been removed.  (It took the longest Saturday afternoon of my life to learn that one.)

8.  I wish I could fall asleep while sitting up at the dinner table.  

9.  Your baby's life is always one notch better than your life.  Example - One day Emry and I were sitting on the couch watching football and drinking from our bottles(one beer, one milk).  I couldn't think of a better way to spend the afternoon.  A short time later, Maren arrived home and put Emry on her boob.  I swear I saw Emry wink at me.  Tusche little one!

10.  Avoid using words like bumbo, boppy and baby bjorn around your friends who don't have children.  There's no context where you can use these words without sounding like an idiot.

11.  The first time you and your baby sleep through the night without waking up is actually a huge letdown.  You think you'd be excited to have a full night's rest, but you're too freaked out and worried about your malnourished child to enjoy it. 


12. I can kind of understand why lot of parents end up doing their child's 6th grade science projects...Watching your child try to roll over for the first time is the most frustrating thing in the world. Its hard to see them struggle, and you really have to fight the urge to just turn her over yourself. 


13.  When a dude is in a foul mood, sometimes his buddies will call him out on it by saying, "He has a little sand in his vagina.".....After taking Emry to the beach for the first time, I finally understand the origin of this expression.





That's all I've got right now.  If I think of anything else before 6 months, I'll let you know.  Hopefully this list will help save any of you first time parents some future headaches. If nothing esle, at least you'll know a couple of things to expect in the upcoming months!