That's gonna leave a mark

It doesn't hurt here or here so much, but right here...

As parents, we all try to make decisions which set a positive path for our child's future.  Not everyone has the same idea of how to achieve this goal.  Whatever parenting methods we use or decisions we make, we are all trying to lay the groundwork to build a solid character for our youngsters.  Thus, we often find ourselves in scenarios where we wonder, "Will this leave a lasting impression on my child?"

We want to teach our children right and wrong, good behavior vs bad behavior, etc, but not everything is as clear cut as we'd like it to be.  On the one hand, we want our children to learn the best way to handle certain situations.  On the other hand, we don't want our children growing up with tunnel vision and thinking there is only one "right way" to do everything.  And we really don't want our children judging other people because of differences in the way they live their lives.  We would like to think that we can provide our children with different experiences to give them a diverse and open outlook on life.

Case in point, I'm writing this post to help justify our decision to take Emry to a tattoo studio recently.  Seriously? Who takes a toddler with them to get a tattoo?  Well, we thought we'd try. 

Ever since we've been married, I've told Maren I wanted to have my wedding band tattooed on my ring finger.  Maren had been watching a lot of NY Ink lately, so I thought it would be a good time to bring up the topic again.  Surprisingly, Maren was cool with the idea "as long as it didn't look trashy!" 

After receiving her overwhelming nod of support, I consulted with a local tattoo artist to get my design idea put on paper.  On an innocent Saturday afternoon the artist called back to say she had the design ready. Maren wanted to make sure it wasn't "trashy" before I set up an appointment to get tatted, so the whole family hopped into the car and headed to the tattoo shop.

Maren and I checked out the design and it looked great.  The artist had time available to do the tat right there on the spot, so I decided to go for it!  We just had to wait for her to shrink it to the right size and make the carbon stencil...however, that took forever! (In this story, forever was 50 minutes long.)

Just eating some apple slices while we wait!

18 month olds don't like waiting or sitting still...so we had to find ways to pass the time.  There were crayons and paper in the waiting area, so Emry colored for about 5 minutes -- the crayons were a reassuring sign that we weren't only parents who take their little children with them to get tatted.  We also had fun looking at all the colorful art and tattoo designs on the walls -- Emry picked out a colorful butterfly to get on her ankle(only 16 1/2 more years!)  We poked our heads into a couple of rooms to watch other people getting tatted.  We also looked at the rubber models of various body parts that showed different piercings you can get.  Fun fact:  If you decide to get your "you know what" pierced, there are 3 piercings available for guys, while there are 5 options "down there" for the ladies.

Who's next?

Finally it was time to get tatted!  The whole thing only lasted about 10 minutes, and that included stopping a couple times to take pictures with Emry.  Emry seemed to enjoy herself.  She had fun checking out all the different sights at the shop, but I guess we'll never know if Emry's first trip to the tattoo shop had any effect on her development as a human being.  One thing's for sure, the experience left a permanent mark on at least one of the Smith's...

Lessons taught by our kids

One of the hardest things for a runner is to not run.  Most runners feel the need to always be up and moving.  Apparently I've always been wired this way as well...my parents tell me I was a terribly fussy baby.  I supposedly cried all the time unless someone held me.  My mother says once I began crawling, my constant crying finally stopped.  I guess I just need to be on the move!

This fall I had started training for a marathon I was hoping to run in January. In early October, I started feeling some pain in my lower back. The pain persisted for a couple weeks, so  I started taking ibuprofen and cut down my mileage.  That that didn't help, so I finally stopped running altogether and decided to see my doctor. After 4 weeks on a prescription painkiller, followed by 4 weeks of physical therapy, the pain was almost nonexistent.

During this time, I had signed up for two events that I could not run.  The first was a Thanksgiving Day 5k, which I walked.  It was torture to walk the entire race while watching everyone else run by me!  The other event was the Tough Mudder, which I was really disappointed to miss.  I'd signed up to be a team member with some friends from The Sanctum Gym, and I felt really bad because I couldn't make the trip with them.

On Dec 22 the PT finally released me to begin exercising again!  I decided to go for my first run on Christmas morning.  On Christmas Eve night I bent over to put Emry in her car seat, and shooting pain ripped right through my lower back.  Two more times that night, I felt a shooting pain in my back that brought me to my knees.  After spending almost 3 months rehabbing, I was back at square one.  I woke up on Christmas morning stiff as a board(my back was stiff...get your minds out of the gutter!)  I was no better off than I was in early October. 

It sounds like I'm complaining right now, but let me clarify that I'm not writing this to be a sob story or to feel sorry for myself.  Its certainly been a frustrating experience, but I am very aware that God has blessed me with great health my whole life.  Earlier I said it was torture to walk the Turkey Day 5k...often times we exaggerate to make a point.  It wasn't really torture, it was just not what I wanted to do.

Before having a child, I would have absolutely been angry, upset and impatient with the injury.  I would have shouted to the heavens and asked "Why me!?"  But having children forces us to look beyond ourselves to the needs of others.  We instinctively put off some of our selfish wants and desires to put our children's needs first.  Things that were so urgent and important before now seem minuscule in the grand scheme of things.  The point I'm trying to reach is that having children give us a raw perspective on what's important in life. 

Emry has also taught me that some things just take time.  Having watched her struggle for so long to accomplish such basic tasks as rolling, crawling and walking, I found a level of patience within myself I didn't know existed.  Just witnessing the amount of effort and time it took Emry to accomplish one simple thing was an inspiration.  Another example of her determination was when she learned to eat with a fork.  She'd get her face about 1 inch away from her plate and concentrate so hard to make the fork stab into her green bean.  It would sometimes take her 10 tries to get the food to stay on the fork.  Most of us would starve if we had to work that hard to eat just one green bean!

In our current world of internet, mobile devices, diet pills, cosmetic surgery and 90-day workouts that promise a ripped body, we all want instant results.  But our kids are the ones who really know that some things take just time to unfold.

***To update you, my back has started to feel better and I'm slowly easing back into running.  I'm trying to put a positive spin on the situation.  Since I'll be running very short distances, I'm taking the opportunity to try barefoot/minimalist running again!  My feet and my fitness level are both starting from scratch, so I won't be tempted to do too much too soon this time around!  I'll let you know how it goes!

Things I discovered about fatherhood (1month - 6 months)

Since Emry's baby cousin just turned a month old, I thought I list a few more things I learned about parenthood, babies, and caring for children from the time Emry was 1 month to 6 months old. 



1.  Babies who suck their fingers have horrible morning breathe!  It's compounded by the fact that the source of the stench comes from two places.  I'm working on producing a line of baby breath mints and scented hand lotions.    



2.  When adults interact with an infant, we look absolutely ridiculous.  Take the baby out of the picture and watch the adult's silly grin, super high pitch voice, exaggerated expressions...you'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.

3.  In a related matter...when your baby is with you, you're no longer able to have conversations with adults.  All your conversations are routed through your child.  Example - You and your baby walk into random adult's house.  Random adult does not acknowledge you, but looks right at the baby, puts on the big silly grin and says in a super high pitched voice, "How are we this morning?"  Then you answer for the baby, "Well we've been a little fussy..." 

4.  Everyone wants to hold your baby when they are this age.  However, when the baby cries, spits up or poops it magically finds its way back into your arms.

5.  "I think someone needs a diaper change."  Learn this phrase, it has 2 important purposes:  If you are around a baby-hog, this is the best way to get your child back.  But more importantly, if your wife accidentally passes gas while in the company of others, this phrase will save you some embarrassment.

6.  Why is your baby crying right now? Assuming you didn't drop the child, odds are its a physical need, so change the diaper, feed and burp.  That seems to take care of most crying spells at this age. 

7.  If your baby is still crying, the plastic price-tag thingy on her clothes may be stabbing her repeatedly.  Check to make sure all the plastic tag thingies have been removed.  (It took the longest Saturday afternoon of my life to learn that one.)

8.  I wish I could fall asleep while sitting up at the dinner table.  

9.  Your baby's life is always one notch better than your life.  Example - One day Emry and I were sitting on the couch watching football and drinking from our bottles(one beer, one milk).  I couldn't think of a better way to spend the afternoon.  A short time later, Maren arrived home and put Emry on her boob.  I swear I saw Emry wink at me.  Tusche little one!

10.  Avoid using words like bumbo, boppy and baby bjorn around your friends who don't have children.  There's no context where you can use these words without sounding like an idiot.

11.  The first time you and your baby sleep through the night without waking up is actually a huge letdown.  You think you'd be excited to have a full night's rest, but you're too freaked out and worried about your malnourished child to enjoy it. 


12. I can kind of understand why lot of parents end up doing their child's 6th grade science projects...Watching your child try to roll over for the first time is the most frustrating thing in the world. Its hard to see them struggle, and you really have to fight the urge to just turn her over yourself. 


13.  When a dude is in a foul mood, sometimes his buddies will call him out on it by saying, "He has a little sand in his vagina.".....After taking Emry to the beach for the first time, I finally understand the origin of this expression.





That's all I've got right now.  If I think of anything else before 6 months, I'll let you know.  Hopefully this list will help save any of you first time parents some future headaches. If nothing esle, at least you'll know a couple of things to expect in the upcoming months!

Emry Board

I'm happy to let you know the Emry Board has a new home!  The page was getting too long and difficult to manage when adding new content, so Maren and I have made a separate blog for it.  It will be easier for us to do individual entries each month to keep you up to date with pictures and info about Emry's latest endeavors. 

I'll leave the Emry board tab on this site and link it to the new blog.  Or you can go directly to the new address marenandken.blogspot.com.